Last night after I went to bed, I was thinking about the form I sent to the insurance company canceling David’s health insurance, and wondered if I should have sent a death certificate, and then started crying again. People say it’s good to cry and get it all out. Poop! All it does for me is give me a headache and clog up my contacts.

I imagine this is like having a tooth pulled. It aches and hurts, but when it’s gone, it leaves a hole and you miss it. I miss David, I lost a part of me. Like any marriage, we went through horrible times, and dealing with a handicapped child added enormous stress, but we also had good times. I’ve lost the feeling of being a couple, having a partner to deal with life.

Time heals all wounds, they say, but what they don’t say is that with wounds there are scars.

I was reading an article in the latest Watchtower magazine, ‘Maintain Joy in Times of Trouble,’ and one of the points was, “After taking reasonable measures to resolve a problem, it is best to move on and focus on more productive endeavors.“

So I went on a spending spree yesterday. I went down to pick up the tile to finish the kitchen counter (David wanted that finished and the piano moved out of the family room. He said it made it seem like a 90s bar. The counter’s going to get finished, but the piano is staying.), and while I was there I bought a new toilet, a wood lathe and a band saw. When the boys come up this weekend, I’m going to have them clean David’s bathroom and replace the toilet. I decided that earlier this week when I had to go to the bathroom, but Christian had just gotten in there. He’s like David, sit in there reading until his legs fall asleep.

I don’t know about being productive, but it’ll certainly resolve a problem. :)