With David gone, sometimes my life seems so empty and lonely. It’s so strange, my memories of him seem so far away, in some distant past. It’s like he’s been gone for many years, not just weeks. That bothers me.

Someone on LE suggested a book, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. I picked it up from the library, and it has a lot of good points. But it also talks about healing. What a strange choice of words. You don’t ‘heal’ from the loss of a loved one, you just get used to the absence. But that’s just my opinion.

This poem from the book describes my situation very well,
How I
love you and hate you.

How bound I am to you.
How bound I am to break my bondage.

I want to be free!

I want to be able to
enjoy the day again,

and give me back my nights.

Lukas’ ultrasound results came back. Everything is normal, which is a huge relief. So he’s on Prilosec to settle his stomach until David’s being gone isn’t so disturbing to him. Poor baby is sick with a cold now, though. He’s got a nasty cough. Things should get better now with the weather getting warmer. He won’t be missing so many meetings. The people at the Kingdom Hall are so good to him, and for him. He’s such a people person. It’s funny to think of a handicapped son as being a support, but he is. He’s made me become more socially active, and I certainly need that. By choice, I would be a hermit, and I have to fight that tendency to isolation.

The babies are awake and playing. Last week Christian went down to Petco and bought another ferret. Fang wasn’t interested in playing with Chunk, just beating him up. And Chunk needed someone to play with besides the cats, so now we have 2 baby ferrets, Chunk and Buddy. They’re quite entertaining, very exuberant and playful. I’ll have to get photos of them posted later.

There is a verse in the Bible that says God doesn’t give us any more than we can bear. I sometimes think that God has overestimated our abilities. I took Lukas to the doctor today to find out why he's been gagging and throwing up. He prescribed medicine to settle his stomach, but then he was feeling Lukas’ belly, and the right side was tender, so he ordered an ultrasound for Lukas Wed. a.m. to check the gallbladder.

Christian is going to go down to Petco tomorrow after he does the shopping to buy me another ferret. Fang is pretty much ignoring Chunkie other than to go after him, and Chunkie so wants to play. He and S.C., the cat, were chasing each other up and down my studio this a.m. Here they are playing hide and seek.

And here is a sleepy Chunkie,

Don’t you wish you could bend like this? And don’t you just love that little pink tongue sticking out?

He is just so darn cute!

I have to call the clinic tomorrow as soon as they open. Lukas has been having problems with throwing up and gagging the last two weeks. The first episode I thought was a virus (he blamed it on the green chilies I put in his omlet), but then last Tuesday he didn’t want Jim and Cindy to come over because he was gagging, and then Friday night at bedtime he was throwing up again. I don’t know what’s going on, so it’s time to get him to the doctor to see if they can figure it out.

One of my ferrets, Taz, died last week. It wasn’t unexpected; she was so old she didn’t have any hair left. I felt sorry for Fang, because Bandit is old too, and not too playful anymore. So Friday I went down and bought a new ferret. We named him Chunkie because he is a heavy little chunk (and that’s Christian’s freckled, hairy arm).

It was so funny because Fang tried grabbing him, and he screamed and scared her. He’s a gentle little boy, and when he bites, he does it very gently.