3 days.

Anger and guilt and grief.

Anger at David for not being able to overcome his alcohol use, and anger at myself for at times despising him for that weakness.

Guilt at all of those wasted emotions and wasted time being angry at him, for not being able to somehow be what he needed, for walling myself off from him these last few years. Maybe if I hadn’t done that he would have said something about not feeling good, maybe I would have caught it. All I can do now is pray to Jehovah for forgiveness and try my best to live more in tune with Bible teachings.

Grief at picking up his fuzzy vest and putting it back down because I don’t know what to do with it. His billfold is still on the kitchen table, and his coffeepot on the kitchen counter, half full of coffee. I suppose I should empty it out before mold starts growing in it, but not today. I can’t. Time will ease this sorrow, but it will never go away. How can it? I’ve lost my love and my friend.